rawr

Sometimes I get the feeling that my friends are tired of me. Then it really makes me guilty about the fact that I can't help being an asshole. It's something I'm really trying to work on, but it's rather hard. Seriously though, I fully admit to the fact that I'm an asshole. I don't want to be an asshole. Really, I want to be a nice person so much. I want to be the person who everyone thinks isn't evil. I don't want people to nickname me 'The Devil'. Do I need more self control? is that my problem? I think growing up with someone who's only words for you are put downs and negative things does influence your life a lot. My brother is autistic, and mostly his interaction with me as a child is him fighting with me. I know that it's damaged me somehow, and I really hate it. I don't want to be damaged. Is this why people don't like me? Ekk I sound so insecure. I find it really hard to make and keep friends, and I don't want it to be hard to get to know someone. I have to work really hard to make sure that people like me and don't think that I'm a stupid asshole. That image is really something I don't want people to see. Do other people have to work this hard to keep friends? I sincerely hope not. Or else we'd all feel so alone.